I have glimpses, moments, of natural joy, free from bad thoughts and depression. In those moments, I love the world, and humanity, and feel great about life in general. These moments come without warning sometimes, or not any reason or cause that I track, because when they hit, I'm too busy enjoying them. I feel great about my friends, and people, and have such an excitement for the future and what things I could do. I imagine having great relationships with people and finding love and going to places with my girlfriend, wife, and just being the perfect version of me. Even as I'm enjoying all this bliss, I know that it'll fade, fast too, and I'll go back to my baseline of bad.
I think I triggered one such episode tonight after I found a fluffy article about the top ten steakhouses in San Francisco and I was like, hey, I've always had such great times and feelings associated with steakhouses and eating there with E and C. There was one on the list I haven't tried before and it looked perfect. Old and red cushioned booths and leather. Then I texted them to get together for dinner. It would be E's birthday soon too, so it all fit. The best part was when C answered quickly with enthusiasm. Little things like that totally make my day, and C is awesome because of that. That got me thinking how grateful I do have friends whom I can call up and go out for a steak with.
I read some reviews about another steakhouse on that list and it mentioned how it's a great date place and has awesome views and that there was a dress code. All that put a glowing ball of warmth and fuzz in my heart and I immediately daydreamed about meeting someone and going to nice restaurants with them and enjoying all this social infrastructure and actually go along with the cultural flow for once and be part of normal human life now. Take a date out to dinner at a steakhouse and dress nicely. Just partake in that and just enjoy and be there. This simple, real, basic, uncomplicated, nice thing should occur more often in my life! Why am I fighting around in sheets for?