This blog is the only thing that's accumulative for me. My stocks too, barely. Actually, not sure about the blog. It's more additive than anything, one thing doesn't build on another. My relationships, my work skills, my writing, all those things that should be cumulative aren't. They're flat and at a minimal. Nothing is getting better.
This is the start of Winter Recess 2016. I have my boxlist and I wonder how few things I would actually do.
I'm going to lie tomorrow and not say anything about me getting it off from work. Because I don't want to talk and engage and explain. It's easier to not. I plan to stay out all day, not come home for dinner. I should watch a movie at the Embarcadero, some weird indie thing.
I'm watching a lot of Youtube right now. I might end up doing that for the entire break.
Oh yeah, had a bbq at work. Hated it. I felt so out of place and ineffective. I couldn't talk right, couldn't help really. Just kind of moving around at the periphery eating stuff and picking things up and putting them down. Wasn't in. Totally out. Feels that way in general. Why can't I connect? During, I feel like I wouldn't get the response I want, that whatever I say will just kind of hang there and end. No interest. I need to just do it and have things stick out, and also try to extend and acknowledge what other people say. I also left early after indicating I would stay for drinks with the boss. Whatever. They can fire me.