Getting super disillusioned. By writing. I stopped struggling with my big book. By money. Did year-end accounting and it's just all numbers to me now. By bitcoin. Just entertainment now. I want to buy like 100 of them to feel anything. By Patrick Rothfuss. I don't give a shit about what he's going to do anymore. I used to follow him really closely. Now, familiarity breeds contempt. Same for Ben Brown. I can't relate at all to him. He and his world feel too sparkly and thin. This is down times.
What could I do? I feel excited to write a new thing, just completely new. That still feels great. I can fucking spend the money goddamn it for once and buy empty shit just for the sugar. I can go all in and buy more bitcoins. It's down. Set aside $10,000 and fucking get in there. 10 will make me feel better, and invested, and part of something, and feel like I fucking care. Ignore Patrick Rothfuss. Buy his book whenever. He has nothing to offer me anymore. I do like his podcast though, and I am looking forward to his Book 3 Q&A, however disappointing it would be. I'm sick of listening to straight white males. I need new perspectives. I should look for new channels. Ben Brown isn't the only one out there. He does make nice videos though. I could stop hating, that's another option.
Sleeping later, past midnight, don't care. Waking up harder. I should temper this. I'm exercising in that small time lull after brushing my teeth and before dressing. It works. I do my push ups and the extra thing.
I've deleted the Write habit until I set up my new project and plan out what I want to write. That part is fun and my whole body is not resisting doing it.
This weekend would be a nice reset.