Even more tired. Work getting stressful because I'm not getting what I want and doing things tidy enough. It would help if I cared.
Google Docs is slow. Or my computer is slow.
Lots of troubled thoughts. I should make this narrow again. I want to be intentional about things, and having a 100% page width makes it look like I didn't think about legibility when that's the only thing I think about.
I really want my deposit to clear, so I can buy ether, and then profit? All this rigmarole for what. Gambling. No, it's me wanting to take a long shot and win and show that my exertions and efforts could pay off. I want to prove myself, and it seems like that's at the core of everything. My writing, my investments, everything I do, I do in defiance of what I think are normie activities and I so want to prove them all wrong, that what they think are default things are in dispute and they don't occupy some sanctioned upon perch. I do things because I hate people?? I don't know how deep this all goes. Why do I do anything.