It's a matter of laziness. Being sad takes less work than being happy. It takes no extra energy for me to be sad. It's got the huge advantage over being happy because of that. It's in the passive, default position. There is no way that I could maintain the high energy needed to be consistently happy. That's like holding up a large weight above my head. If I let up even a bit, I'll default to sadness. So why fight it anymore. Just be sad.
Depression really messes with my rationalization.
Watched Acquisitions Incorporated. Then ran some. Sad dinner because mom was suffering from whatever the cancer or drugs are doing to her. I couldn't even talk very much to V. Then Youtube oblivion.
Time for sleep is now.