I can only watch more Youtube to quell the hate and despair and all the other bad feelings. I really should stop reading the news now. I regret backsliding. Trump filter back on. There is still just noise with nothing happening. Protests aren't going to do shit.
I don't want to keep writing about what's happening with mom. I can't do this anymore. She spent the whole day waiting at the hospital because there's blood in her urine and they did an immediate CT scan to see if the cancer has spread to her kidneys. It hasn't. It's kidney stones. I've never been so relieved to hear that she's got kidney stones. This is the kind of hell I'm living in, that I should be glad to hear news like that. There was a bounce of joy where everything was made better, like a suave or butter coating spreading good feelings, enhancing everything. It was great. Then it's come down and faded and I'm back down in my crappy life again.