Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01
31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01

Terrible scenario came true. Knock on my bedroom door in the morning. Mom had to go to the ER because of the pain. It was such a bad night of me trying to drown out the sound of her suffering all night. I was surprised I slept. She and dad certainly didn't. I finally used the Bose earphones so I wouldn't suffocate under my blankets. I felt my heart just in agony. I can't take any more of this.

It was good that we didn't have to wait in the ER because the cancer clinic was able to get her pain medicine. It's probably the tumor pushing against her kidney or something. Might not be kidney stones. The pain might be just there constantly and not something that passes. She might have to depend on the pain medication indefinitely.

So it's just shit after shit. Everything is going wrong. Nothing good ever happens out of the blue. It's perspective maybe, but I don't know when the last time something I can appreciate that's good drops in my lap instead of the turds that are burying me. Why does this happen like this? It's constant misfortune. I believe in a random careless universe, so why haven't any good things come up? Are the only good things that we recognize the things that don't come free and only disasters do that?

This shitty life.