I can't be so fixated on my mom's cancer. It doesn't have to be all-consuming and ruin my life. Just me and the moment, that's everything, all there are.
Nothing out of the ordinary, remarkable happened. I did stop at Starbucks for a chocolate croissant because I didn't want to go home immediately after work. It was nice. I felt more in control, liked exerting control, take myself out of the routine for that little bit, a moment of agency. I wanted something and I went and got it.
Work was incomplete and inconclusive so no good feelings there. Things will unravel, wouldn't be surprised. If only I cared more. Sucks cause I like my job and as I mentioned before, I will not find another one like that fits my personality and enables all my laziness like this one, caters to my vices, let me get away with doing the minimum like this. There will be changes with the new HR person. Peer reviews, what the fuck? No. I don't want to give people a chance to rate me. I like my relationships with my bosses more than with the other people on the team. Shame. Going to get screwed.
Not sad today. Still feeling good about my money. I've decided to categorize the tax refund as savings instead of an accounted buffer for property tax. Fuck that. I'm not going to take thousands of dollars out of my credit column. It is so wrong that I couldn't even let myself enjoy that. Money is become more and more abstract. I don't know what to do with it when someday I deem I have enough. I have three things right now. First, I need to build my emergency fund. I'm like 10% there. Then max 401k. Then double my ether and bitcoins. That's it. Then I would have no idea what to do with my money until I retire. 10K + 2K + 18K. I still need 30K to meet this goal. Hmm. How do I do that. It would be easier once I ask for a raise. Where can I find an extra 30K…