Today's cafe wasn't as great for some reason. Too aware of mom's pain? Probably. I didn't write. I've only been watching Ben Brown videos nonstop. I'm on the part of the curve where I just want to complete it and watch everything to the end.
Still have money on my mind as a source of comfort. It's the only thing moving forward at the moment. Stocks are way high and have been climbing. I'm waiting for the 30-day waiting period to transfer more funds over to top off my ether.
Everything else in my life has been at a stand still. Nothing happening. No progress. I'm just existing. This is what it's going to be forever and I will die like this.
I don't believe that, but why not, it could happen. I'm running on pure momentum and haven't put in any effort for a long time. I'm just waiting for my mother to die. That's pretty much it. I don't think I will have any meaningful turn or solid step in a good direction until that happens. Everything is under that shadow. I can't do anything down here. It's hard to escape.
The only minor thing that I really want to do is get a raise. It would smooth out my finances. I could get my 401k in line. I could validate myself at work, that I'm not about to get fired, that I'm actually doing OK enough work for them to keep me. It would be hard to fire someone if you just gave them a raise, right.
Oh shit my tax refunds came in. Uh oh I'm opening my spreadsheet. I'll wait until it clears and I'll pay off the property tax. I'm confusing myself.