Today was bad again because mom tried to make a light hearted comment about Valentine's Day but I wouldn't have it because it's always this veiled stab at me for not dating. I can't stand it and I hate her for pressuring me. It makes me think that's the only thing she wants. Everything else I do doesn't matter. It's the basis of my eternal grudge against my family and I won't ever let go of it.
Porn helps me fight depression apparently! That makes me think that it totally is brain chemistry and biological. I would feel super down and lethargic and don't want to do anything, then jolt! I can force my body to be excited with boobies. I love how I can manipulate my feelings like that. One second my brain's all flooded with sad juices and I would feel helpless against, but then BOOM, there totally is something I can do to knock it back up. Love it. I hate how I am at the whims of my body and love how I can counter it and change how I feel. It works. Fuck bio.
I will sleep early tonight.