I'm so sensitive to voice. If my mom's voice sounds strong one day, like normal, I instantly get happier. If her voice is despondent, or pitched in that very sad timbre, I sink into despair. Half of my putting on earbuds or earplugs is to not hear my mom's sad voice.
Today felt good. I like how I'm reclaiming Friday back, despite everything, like I think I mentioned. Today is definitely a cheat day. I like how I set it up by overloading my usual days so the relief of not having to do all that extra stuff made today feel buoyant by comparison. It works! At least for today. I've got to keep it up. I would probably need to keep ahead of it, change things as they flex. Everything is in flux and happiness is a finicky thing. I can let myself go on reddit and youtube today, look at bitcoin, do whatever, not go on OKcupid or do push ups or write. Blogging is different though. Just deleted that to-do from Habitica because it is pretty a habit now. Success. I'll blog every day for the rest of my life lolz.
These hours after work on Friday are truly truly the best time of the week for me. I feel my best here. This is something I need to protect and cherish. Don't let me ruin it for me.
Hella thirsty. I walked the long way down to the Embarcadero, past the northern edge of Chinatown, past the galleries. Had not that great meal at Gotts. It's always disappointing to receive tiny ass portion size, no matter what it is. The chicken sandwich was dry and weird. Fries tasteless. Shake couldn't suck through straw. Much beh. Then Starbucks. Where I spilled my drink. Then Ben Brown for an hour or something. His recent videos are crappy because it's all in recap, so we don't see things in real time. It's sad, knowing that's how all the backlog videos I'm watching will lead up to that fading away. Change is inevitable. It's sad nevertheless. I don't like things I like to end. It retroactively cast a pallor on the rest of the videos, if just a bit.