Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
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Naan and Curry with E. It was good.

I'm going to join a gym. I'm going to do it. YMCA most likely. It has a good vibe for some reason to me. Wholesome. I'll wake up two hours earlier, at 6 every day. Protein shake. Work out for a while. Oatmeal. Go to work. Never going to happen. It's the dream. Get there at 6:30. Exercise for an hour? 7:30. Go back home to shower. 8. Eat oatmeal. Leave house at 8:30. Doable?

The novelty and easy feelings from planning and dreaming are strong.

Do this every day of the week. I have to get ready for bed at around 9 then. This is intense. I will resist everywhere, at both ends.

Keep this up for a year. What happens after that? Would there be a difference? Will this make me happy? Yes. The results will make me happy.

The obvious thing though is that writing for those two hours in the morning for an entire year will also make me happy. Happier? Not sure. There's no guarantee with the results of the writing that I will make any money or get any readers. The workout will definitely have something to show for it. It would be physiologically impossible to look the same and not gain any muscle after working out for a year right?

The fun part would be documenting it. I should document it. I want a time lapse. That would be fun.

When do I start?

On a weekend so I can see what the gym is like. I need a plan too. Spreadsheet, yo.

I know there are all these things I can do to improve my appearance. Just get a barber to shave my head instead of me doing it myself because I hate doing it myself. Get a haircut every two weeks. Get new glasses. Get acne medicine. That's all I can do for my face. Get new clothes. More shirts. Fewer hoodies. More regular jackets. I'll keep my green cons forever I don't give a shit. Main thing, workout. I want to get really big. Massive. I want that unstoppable first impression. Work on posture. Teeth whitening from dentist? Sure whatever.

I will stop speculating and self-censoring and just do it and find out. Up the maintenance and spend the money. Not spending money is not making me better off.

So it's nice that there is that path there. Perhaps the highest priority thing is my mental health. If I get that right, the rest could follow, or even become unnecessary. Life is not a support system for art indeed.

Mental shift. Spend money. Get more out of it than just as a store of future value. Present value is valuable too.

The truly important thing I should be working on is my relationships with people. That is what it's ultimately all about. I can't escape it. It's more important than writing. It's more important than working out. It's more important than work and career and money. I don't want that right now though. Right now I care about imposing my will and manifesting what I want, and I what I want right now is muscles and getting out what I put in on a predictable, one-to-one direct relationship, and having something fucking pay off for a change. I want that experience.

New Ben Brown video! That made me happier than I expected.