Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
06 05 04 03 02 01
31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01

Grandma's birthday dinner. Of course I didn't think to get a cake or anything. V and mom did. Mom asked me to get it. I didn't think until I had picked out the cake that it was way too small. Half of my mind was under the assumption that it would just be a few people and that no one would eat cake so I got the small six inch one. But of course, if it's grandma's birthday, everyone would be there. I was just purely not thinking. The ideal way to deal with it would be to tell the bakery people and see if they can help me and just exchange for a bigger cake. That would have been the easiest, most normal reaction to the problem. I never want to do this though, or at least, my brain defaults to accepting my mistake and dealing with it somehow instead of putting the onus back on others for my mistake. It's like me looking at the rear view mirror when I have to stop abruptly because I'm worried about the car rear-ending me instead of me hitting the car in front of me. It's slightly different, but not that different. So I looked for another bakery to get a bigger cake, self-flagellating myself all the way. I bought a big one at Safeway.

So now I have two cakes. I have no idea what to do with the first, smaller one. I thought about just chucking that out the window; it's at that point where it's super not worth the trouble. The next step up is for me to not tell anyone and just eat it myself. That's probably the saddest option. Next up would be for me just to tell V. But I can't just hide it from parents if I tell V. So that would mean I have to explain. That is the very reason why I don't want to tell anyone about the mistake cake. I don't want to fucking explain myself and what I went through. I don't want to fucking get into it or share my experience or this and that. It does not make me feel any better about my lapse in judgement at that precise moment in the bakery when I knew I should have known better. The cost of eating the cake by myself and not telling anyone about it is super minimal compared to all the other options. The monetary cost is trivial and not even in the equation. It's expensive, but whatever; it can't make me want to recoup it somehow by telling people about it.

It's sitting in the trunk of my car. I should give it to E.

hey@weijianzhang.com