Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
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Mom in bad state. Everything sucks. The best thing would be for her to get better. The worst is what's happening now, when she's suffering and it's never ending and drags on and on. The next best thing would be for her to die quickly and painlessly. It's not something I want to want, but I do. I can't take any more of this helplessness and standing by watching her die slowly. I have no hope, and it's just relentless for everyone involved. I can't.

Got tickets from Slim's. I hate that location. This is fast becoming not worth it. Caspian isn't even headlining. I have to wander this that sketchy as fuck area to watch them play for like thirty minutes. The ticket booth girl was cute though. Thin and tattoos. I'm only doing it because I invited V and it'll be a nice memory of us doing something together, when I actively asked her. She landed today. I should have asked her what she was doing. I was wasting time at Starbucks because I thought it would take me more time to get the tickets, so I didn't go home to eat. It turned out I had more time than usual. I didn't have any Ben Brown videos to watch in Starbucks, so the whole evening was stupid and pointless and waste. I didn't know what to do and flitted here and there. I wasn't hungry enough to have hunger direct me. I was trying to decide on whether to eat pasta at Squat and Gobble or KFC pot pie if they had any or King of Thai again. King of Thai always wins. I feel kind of queasy from the lump of oily noodles and not enough shrimp.

The thought of waking up early again tomorrow and going to the gym fills me with purpose and a direction to go toward and some semblance of progress and agenda. Everything is hella loose.