Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01
30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01

Mom's vomiting is at the forefront of my despair. The pain and or the chemo medicine is making her nauseous, and probably the lack of food too, so she throws everything up, and is getting weaker and weaker by the day. It's a cycle. There's the engine of the torture and grinding down of a person, the multiplier of pain and sorrow around her. I can't sleep because I hear her vomit and mumur weakly throughout the night and the morning. I try to drown it out and cover my ears with the blankets but that does not enough and I end up in suffocating heat, so I move my blankets and the sounds of her anguish filter through the very second I could hear and I rush to cover my ears again. I scrunch up in bed. This is the worst point in my life right now, right here. I can say this definitively. There has nothing worse that has happened to me. It's getting worse every day too. Gradually.

Nothing at work because everything seems to be on hold. I'm waiting around twiddling. I read forums about Heroes all day.

I should just play Heroes forever.