Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
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In a kind of walking fog. Didn't sleep well last night because of weekend late nights and boba. I keep thinking about crypto. Should I sell my taxable for more eth so I can double my money and fill up my emergency fund once and for all? That makes it sound almost fait accompli, doubling money. Ether has spoiled me so much. Everything else is slow as fuck. Double is nothing. I need 50x. Will I regret cashing out my taxable? No. It has bothered me for a while now. I should just do it. I'll wait one more day. Momentous, maybe.

Eating dinner with C tomorrow and I don't really want to. It's going to be hours of me getting talked at. How can I control and change this. I should not give an inch. That should be the way to do it. Don't let anything slide.

Something tells me it's a bad idea to sell my goody Vanguard stocks for sketchy magic internet money. Something else tells me I don't care. Do I? What am I trying to do here? 10x is not enough. It's nice, and I think any rational person would cash out and take their winnings and go home. But I have to pass 10x to get to 1000x. What do I do? So wracked with doubt. I thought I had my emotions under control but not really. I can't logic myself through this because it didn't logic myself in. I need some sort of sign.

All my habits are going on the wayside. I fucking don't want to do OKCupid. That place is just misery and waste of time. Why am I doing it that way?

The thing holding me back is spending what's essentially my emergency fund. I'm risking sullying the purely awesome 9x return win experience that I will rarely feel again. I want to get rid of my taxable account. That would feel great. And have that chunk of money go toward the emergency fund and mostly to gambling on cryptocurrency, which is so fun. I like the concept of them so much. They're defiant. The downside is that they will drop right after I buy, like what happened with bitcoin. That still stings. It was three years of wandering the woods with my bag open. That is exactly what's going to happen here too. I'm driven by greed and not thinking right. I don't think I'm forecasting my own reactions accurately. So if I buy now, at ~$90, then it drops down to $50, how would I feel? It's not low enough for me to buy more, and I'll just have to sit on that because I sure as hell won't sell. Who knows how long I will be wallowing in this gutter. And so at the same time, I will have a diminished emergency fund. I won't want to sell it at a loss. That is the worst case scenario right there. Let me mull over that.

If I wait and don't buy anything, what's going to happen? If it goes up, I won't fomo because I already have my original eth. Will I feel like I've wasted an opportunity to double my money? No, because if it does double to $200, I should maybe just cash out then for my emergency fund. Right? No, I don't think I will ever sell until $5000. Ideally. Maybe $2000 I'll really consider what's going on? No, not good enough. $3000? I'll really have to think hard at that point. This is literally my one chance. I don't want to fuck this up. The easiest thing is if it goes down to $20 again. No brainer at that point. Then it becomes a chance to get an even 1000, which is my original goal. So $20 is good, will buy to hold. $50 good too, will buy to sell later for efund. The price now, I don't know what to do with it. If it goes up, do nothing. That's simple. I'll just keep waiting. OK this solves it. The real reason that's made clear just now why I want to buy more ether is my thinking of the ease of doubling my money and selling. That's not strong enough for me to buy just to prop up my emergency fund when it's pretty ok as is now in the taxable. It doesn't bother me that much to have a taxable account. The best use I know is what I did five months ago. I want to wait until prices go down to buy significant numbers of coins that would have a better chance of affecting my life. Buying at $100 will do nothing but make it harder for me to buy when it's truly time to buy. Doubling my money is a small aside and me being bored with the slow rates of stocks. Clarity! My only action is if it drops to $20. Would I be tempted at $40? I'll have to consider. But until then, I'm happy doing nothing.