Weijian Zhang
2017 2016
08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01
19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01

Everyone watched and waited for mom to die. Not like that, but felt like that.

Dad woke me up; it was another one of those worst awakenings. I have a few more to go, I think. He would wake me up when mom actually dies. Then when grandma, a whole new set of those.

I had slept super late last night at like almost 3 watching Kate stream. When dad woke me up at 9 something, I felt instantly bad. That stress immediately compounded when he asked me to call a nurse because of mom's breathing problems. I got the subway fainting nausea feeling full on sweat across my brow. I was on hold on the phone and struggling to keep myself together. I had the stupid phelgm problem that's probably lung cancer or some shit. I bent over and tried to keep my head between my knees, which fixed it after a while. That was so bad.

Nurse came. V suggested that we could ask for 24-hour nurse care. Dad asked for it. The nurse called it in. First shift of the 24-hour nurse came at 4. The whole house was filled with people by then. Aunts wailed. We moved the whole bed outside. People stared at mom in silence.

I just came back from picking up secretion-reducing pills. It took me an hour and a half of driving around at 1 a.m. I hate the bars. The Castro Walgreens didn't have it. The hospice people made a mistake. It was at Westlake. I went to Westlake.

Dad asked me and V to stay home tomorrow. I don't think mom is dying so fast, but what do I know.

hey@weijianzhang.com