Everyone watched and waited for mom to die. Not like that, but felt like that.
Dad woke me up; it was another one of those worst awakenings. I have a few more to go, I think. He would wake me up when mom actually dies. Then when grandma, a whole new set of those.
I had slept super late last night at like almost 3 watching Kate stream. When dad woke me up at 9 something, I felt instantly bad. That stress immediately compounded when he asked me to call a nurse because of mom's breathing problems. I got the subway fainting nausea feeling full on sweat across my brow. I was on hold on the phone and struggling to keep myself together. I had the stupid phelgm problem that's probably lung cancer or some shit. I bent over and tried to keep my head between my knees, which fixed it after a while. That was so bad.
Nurse came. V suggested that we could ask for 24-hour nurse care. Dad asked for it. The nurse called it in. First shift of the 24-hour nurse came at 4. The whole house was filled with people by then. Aunts wailed. We moved the whole bed outside. People stared at mom in silence.
I just came back from picking up secretion-reducing pills. It took me an hour and a half of driving around at 1 a.m. I hate the bars. The Castro Walgreens didn't have it. The hospice people made a mistake. It was at Westlake. I went to Westlake.
Dad asked me and V to stay home tomorrow. I don't think mom is dying so fast, but what do I know.